Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Aaja Aaja Aaja (IND Patent 5,774,367,534-JIM filed)

To all fans and fanatics,

I have filed yet another patent! I am happy to announce that I have filed IND Patent 5,774,367,534-JIM today and would keep you posted as soon as it gets registered on my name. Meanwhile, here are the details. Trust me, I bear a sense of pride while delivering this original stuff in this world of imitation originals.

Requirements: Knowledge about Sir Mithun Chakraborty (to a smaller extent also works). An idea of who that Yudhishtir dude was, and that Mahabharata has nothing to do with a huge plate of brinjal burnt-and-smashed vegetable.

The patent thesis header goes thus. The entire thesis will be published later:

"If you have to call anyone (not on the telephone, but someone who is at an audible distance) in a SECURE mode, then you might end up using a typical language that might arouse suspicion. Especially for the FBI guys. You are free to use any proper noun or code word at the risk of it can be cracked down. You may not be able to give a strong enough reason, that too on the electric chair. And if you are a person who has NOT been associated to diplomacy, then consider yourself a total goner. By using the simple fact stated in Paragraph 2 (that follows shortly) you can simply run scot free if someone questions your possibly hideous intentions by saying that you were merely enjoying a song. And even for those hardcore "I will speak truth; die on a lie" type people, they can always resort to a "Narova Kunjarova" approach by being in the clear saying "I was wishing I could have '$JIMMY' here". $JIMMY is an environment variable that represents the Jimmy in question. [For all those who are bewildered by "Narova Kunjarova" refer chapter 2342394823 section 435823 of the Hindu Mythological mega bumper size novel named Mahabharata].

The essence is, just say 'Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy' a la Parvati Khan [this should have reminded you of the musical blockbuster Disco Dancer movie]. If you don’t know the movie, say ALAS loudly till I can hear you in real pain, and the following theory might just go bummer. (High probability is that it anyways will). By the way, the theory is all about a person being able to call another one in a SECURE way yet openly, by a totally defendable and not-so-seemingly-easy-to-crack method. By saying "Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy". What follows in the song is not what this thesis explains. This thesis purely explains the absolute advantages of such practices.

Coming back to what would happen after a "Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy" call: The person will immediately be compelled to respond by coming over to the place where you are. Let us take the following cases which might just strike your head to disprove this theory of mine. Or in other words, these are the premises which take care of proving my absolutely novel brainchild:

A. What is the ultimate aim of getting this done?

Crude response:
"ROTFL, if you arent buying this already, get ready for a ride!"

Sense response:
"In the ultimate betterment of humankind, for using that lump of mass (BRAIN) stuck up in a strong bony exoskeleton called SKULL"

Drunk response:
"Hee huh (ala Keshto Mukherjee)..."

B. What if the person is a non-Indian, and does not know what that "Jimmy.." means?

Crude response:
"Who cares? We'd rather say "e bhau, excuse me!" "

Sense response:
"Patent is OF an Indian origin, BY and Indian, FOR the Indians!!"

Drunk response:
"Duh.. Wasabi?"

C. What statistical survey drives this point home?

Crude response:
"Boo. Only one in a million help procreate, so whats this?"

Sense response:
" n C 2 such calls for interaction between two people will bring out enough of singing talent, pleasure and irritation at the same time. The magnitude of this can have the potential to bear even a nuclear blast, making humans better in terms of resilience than cockroaches. Survival of the fittest, eh?"

Drunk response:
"2 + 2 = 5 for very large values of 2"

D. What are the benefits and discrepancies of this theory for all of us?

Crude response:
"Aw! Get these 4 mark questions off me. Police - Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy fast"

Sense response:
"Pros: This kicks ass! Cons: You'll get one odd 'Screw you guys, I'm going home'"

Drunk response: "Waiter, 1 pitcher repeat"

For your pleasure, I have the song that motivated me to file IND Patent 5,774,367,534-JIM, which you can find at:


P.S : Responses Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy! The short of the story is that next time you hear me saying "Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy" please realise that you cut the distance between us such that we can have what people can say a 'personal' discussion.